If you are caring for a person with dementia, then you will know that it isn’t always easy. You may at times feel worried, anxious or frustrated. You might feel guilty about these emotions or whenever you need to do things for yourself.

Lorna Denton-Cardew, Partner in our Private Client, cared for her father suffering from Alzheimer’s for 18 years.

Lorna is extremely passionate about Lasting Powers of Attorney and capacity matters; advocating for those living with dementia, supporting the families left behind and ensuring quality care is provided in residential care homes.

She knows first hand that as a carer, it is vital you also look after you, your health and wellbeing, which will benefit both you and the person you are caring for.

Lorna answers these Q&As in support of Dementia Action Week taking place from 19-25 May 2025, which aims to raise awareness of the importance of an early diagnosis for people affected by dementia. She shares her personal experience alongside practical legal guidance to help families facing similar challenges.

What was the most challenging parts of caring for your dad over 18 years?

My father was a psychiatric nurse, he noticed the signs immediately. I moved back from London as I felt he needed support. My parents were divorced so there was me and my brothers and sister. He was paranoid- thinking the neighbour was spying on him down the chimney. He would walk into town, withdraw money thinking he had a mortgage to pay and not remember how to get home. He would talk to me then suddenly forget the word mid-sentence, he knew what he wanted to say but just could not say it then call himself stupid and get frustrated. One day he just said that I needed to drive him to the hospital as he had to get sectioned- I knew he was never coming home again.

The most challenging thing is the guilt and the pain of seeing him struggle with him knowing what was happening to him. Then to see his deterioration to communicate.  My brother and I would visit regularly. Every other day (as I worked close to the home at the time). Always turning up with his favourite sweets or pictures the grandchildren and drawn for him

The last 9 years he was completely bed bound and unable to communicate, I was his voice.

It is hard to see him miss out on my wedding day, never meeting my husband, or being involved in my children’s lives (although I took them with me, and they were so sweet with him). That is challenging! The ‘if only’. If only they knew him as I did, if only he could pick them up and hug them, if only he could walk me down the aisle, if only he could play with them and tell them stories and teach them to play the guitar and piano, if only he could see them grow up into the beautiful boys they are. That is the challenging part.

How did your personal experience shape your perspective on the legal needs of carers and families affected by dementia?

My father had an EPA in place which made life so much easier for him as I could go and sort his pension out and pay the bills for him as he would not remember. Then I had to sell his property to pay for his care.  I know the difficulties that you can come across as a loved one to sort out even the simplest of things. I appreciate how it feels to have everything he worked so hard for go on his care. My father was a real saver wanting to give us the best start he could.  To me, it did not matter, he was receiving good care, but we all knew this is not what he wanted- but we did our best for him. I did my best for him. That is what matters.

What advice would you give to someone just starting to care for a loved one with Alzheimer’s?

Go with it- I know it is hard seeing your loved disappear, but you have to humour them when they talk about ‘going home’ or talk as though they are reliving their past. Just agree and let them know that sounds lovely. Try not to correct them or they could get frustrated and more confused. Also, don’t feel guilty should they need to go into home. They are with like minded people and being cared for those who know how to care for them. They need that interaction and 24-hour care.

What are the most important legal documents families should consider when a loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s?

When an individual is diagnosed with dementia, it’s vital to get the right legal documents in place as early as possible – while they still have mental capacity.

A Lasting Power of Attorney is a legal document that allows the ‘donor’ to appoint someone as their ‘attorney’ to help make decisions on their behalf.

It is important to review a Will with a Solicitor if there is one already in place, to ensure it reflects your current wishes. Alternatively, if there is not a Will in place, creating one ensures their estate is distributed according to their wishes.

Why a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA)?

They are very important documents. They allow you to choose someone you trust to make decisions on your behalf if something happens, such as an illness or accident and you are unable to make decisions for yourself. They are excellent documents as a way of planning ahead for the future for you and your loved ones.

When is the right time to set up a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA), and why?

The right time is as early as possible, ideally while the person is still mentally capable and in good health. Setting up an LPA early allows decisions to be made calmly and thoughtfully, as part as your essential life planning. Legal planning, when done early, can ease uncertainty and allow families to focus on what truly matters: time together.

Many people think that these documents are more for the elderly, I often hear people say ‘I’m too young’ but being a horse rider and having friends who have motorbikes or indulge in extreme sports, these documents are essential, no matter what your age.

What should carers know about managing finances and decision-making legally on behalf of a loved one? 

Unfortunately, even close family members of spouses don’t have automatic rights to manage someone else’s finances or make medical decisions on their behalf. Once you have the correct legal authority in place, all financial and medical decisions must be in the persons best interests. Any decisions must reflect their wishes (past and present), their values and input from family and professionals (where appropriate).

Please don’t navigate complex matters by yourself. If there is property to sell, benefits to claim, or complicated family dynamics. It is also advisable to have a solicitor guide you through these processes and help you avoid costly mistakes.

How has this journey impacted the way you now work with clients in similar situations?

I can completely empathise with my clients when I see them come in or talk about parents who are starting to lose capacity.  I know how to communicate with clients who have been diagnosed with some form of dementia, make them feel at ease, knowing it is better to have a loved one with them initially or to see the in their own surroundings, so they are not daunted by coming to a strange place or meeting a new person.

As both a solicitor and someone who’s walked this path personally, I understand the emotional and practical weight families carry when caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s. The right legal support can make that journey more manageable.

Contact our Wills, Trusts and Probate team, who will be able to guide you through the options and advise you on the best way forward.